Politically Correct

NOTE: This has been copied from its original post verbatim, including misc jabber before/after.

sparrow’s bracelet in this was a gift from Enchanted on DoA!! ❤

DISCLAIMER: dwarves are mentioned, and by that i mean the fantasy kind. i have nothing against real dwarfs. or people who like fantasy dwarves. or nurses. …we’ll just say sparrow’s flamboyantly ignorant prejudices are in no way a reflection of my own what-so-ever and call it good. yus?


Sparrow, “Knock knock~!!”
Edmund, “…You’re supposed to do that BEFORE coming in.”


Edmund, “If you don’t mind, I’m very busy and not in the mood for your antics.”


Sparrow, “Don’t have time?! What are you doing that’s so important??”


Edmund, “I’m visiting a local patient of ours for an in-home check-up. You changed your hair?”
Sparrow, “Ooh! You noticed! Do you like it?”


Edmund, “Sparrow, please. I don’t have the time.”


Sparrow, “Well then, I’ll just have to go with you!”
Edmund, “…No. I don’t think so.”


Sparrow, “I can just pretend I’m your nurse. It’s not like it takes brains to hold a thermometer.”


Edmund, “Right… All those poor nurses who wasted so much money on nursing school…”
Sparrow, “I was just kidding. Don’t get fussy with me, Teddy!”


Sparrow, “Here, let me.”
Edmund, [sigh] “Alright, you can come with me. We need to talk about Alister.”


Edmund, “Just PLEASE stay quiet. She’s a relatively new mom, and it’s easy to set her off.”


Edmund, “And if you do have to say something, address me as Doctor, and–“


Edmund, “SPARROW.”
Sparrow, “Haha, yes, okay. I got it. Doctor Teddy.”


Sparrow, “So why doesn’t she just get a local doctor?”
Edmund, “People get attached to their doctors, even if they move to a different town.”


Edmund, “Plus you know dwarves. They are quite stubborn.”
Sparrow, “SHE’S A DWARF?! UGH!”


Edmund, “…I didn’t realize you were racist.”


Sparrow, “Oh! Well, I’m not, of course!”
Edmund, “…Right.”


Edmund, “She’s only half dwarf, so please don’t say anything to offend her.”
Sparrow, “Goodness! I would NEVER!”


Sparrow, “Just make sure she doesn’t breathe her nasty dwarf breath on me!”
Edmund, “…Sparrow…”


if sparrow were a guy, i’d say she just doesn’t like dwarves because they’re at the correct height to headbutt you in the nuts, and for SOME REASON people just seem to get pissed off when they’re around her. but, she’s not. so we’ll assume dwarf breath tends to smell like rutabagas.

(do rutabagas smell bad? i don’t even know.)

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